Am I Weird for Not Caring About Valentine’s Day? My Honest Take On Love And Pressure

Every year when February approaches, the internet starts screaming in red. Everyone is talking about Valentine's Day except me and you, maybe? That is if you don't care about Valentine's Day. It's not like I've never cared about it all my life. I used to; but if I'm being honest about it, it was because of pressure; and I was way younger then. The pressure is lowkey still there, but I now have more control over it!

Today I chose to put my thoughts into writing; so hi there, thank you for stopping by. I appreciate you taking your time to read this piece.

The internet has been buzzing with romantic getaways, surprise proposals, flower deliveries at the office and home, soft music, public declarations of love, etc. 

Every year since I stopped caring, I quietly ask myself: “am I weird for not caring about Valentine’s Day?” Because truthfully, I don’t; not in a b!tter way, not in a “love is f@ke” way. I just don’t feel the emotional urgency everyone else seems to feel.

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, there’s an unspoken pressure around Valentine’s Day. If you’re single, people assume you’re sad. If you’re in a relationship, people expect something grand; and expect you to show off what your partner got you, or did for you. 

To me, it becomes less about love, and more about performance.

I remember one year; maybe in February 2019, I was scrolling through social media and feeling nothing. No jealousy, no excitement; just indifference. I mean I did smile when I scrolled upon videos of people showing off the romantic stuff their partner did for them; but that was about it.

When I noticed I no longer cared about Val's day, I started asking myself if I no longer cared about love and rom@nce, or was I just not moved by a date on the calendar?

I don’t h@te Valentine’s Day. I just don’t worship it. The truth is that I love love; I love intimacy. I love thoughtful gestures, I love intentional connection; but I don’t believe love needs one designated day to prove itself.

To me, romance feels more authentic in the random Tuesday text. The quiet support during hard seasons. The consistent effort when nobody’s watching. That’s why the commercial side of Valentine’s Day doesn’t excite me. Let's not even talk about the forced reservations, the overpriced roses, and the social media comparisons. It feels loud; and I prefer love that whispers.

For a while, I genuinely googled if it's weird to not care about Val's Day; and I found out that I’m not alone. Some people don’t connect with the celebration because:

• It feels commercialized.

• It amplifies relationship expectations. I explained this in Soft Life or Delusion? The Truth About Unrealistic Relationship Standards

• It highlights loneliness.

• Or it simply doesn’t align with how they experience love, nor align with their beliefs.

That’s when I realized something important: not caring about Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean you don’t care about love. It just means you don’t romanticize the pressure.

If you're single this period, you have to understand that self-love vs Valentine’s Day isn’t a competition. Actual self-love means you’re not emotionally destabilized by a celebration; and you’re not defined by it, so resist the urge to judge yourself by whatever you see on social media on Saturday.

There’s a script society hands us:

• Women should dream about Valentine’s Day.

• Couples should celebrate loudly.

• Being indifferent must mean something is wrong.

But what if it doesn’t?!

What if emotional maturity sometimes looks like neutrality? I really think we confuse intensity with depth. You can be deeply loving and still not care about heart-shaped balloons. You can desire partnership and still reject performative romance. You can be feminine, soft, emotionally available — and still not circle February 14th in red ink.

The older I get, the more I value consistency over spectacle. I don’t want one extravagant day followed by emotional inconsistency because I genuinely think that if your partner shows up always for you, then Valentine's Day won't be such a big deal. It's a big deal if they rarely celebrate you; then it makes sense why they're expected to do something huge on a day celebrated as "lovers' day".

This is not me saying that if my man does something for me on Val's day, I won't be excited. I'm saying I have no expectations contrary to popular opinion! My excitement is not going to come from "Valentine's Day gift". I'm just going to be happy like I usually am when he does something for me. You get me?

I want safety. I want emotional steadiness. I want effort that doesn’t expire on the 15th. So, I don’t care much about "lovers day"; but I do care deeply about intentional love; and maybe that’s not weird; maybe it’s clarity; and maybe you’re not weird either! You just don’t need external validation to measure love. 

Maybe you’ve matured past the performance, or maybe you simply prefer quiet affection over public displays; and that’s okay. 

It is also okay to receive flowers, or gifts from your lover; and to gift them as well; but I don't buy into the idea of doing them out of Valentine's Day pressure fueled by social media.

It is okay to be different anyway; and I think you should read The Power of Nonconformity: How Questioning Norms Shaped Me. It's something you might relate to.

Xo,

Moxie!