Soft Life or Delusion? The Truth About Unrealistic Relationship Standards

Lately I feel like the topics I've been writing on are pretty serious; you know like I'm some serious life coach. I don't know if I like that feeling, but I want to say I'm growing; because truly, I am. Someone even pointed that out in the comments on The Morning Routine That Tripled My Productivity

Valentine's Day is in two days; and now you know what inspired this post. If you have been reading my posts lately, you'll notice I'm writing more about soft life for intentional women.

I used to think that “soft life” meant peace, slow mornings, a man who plans dates without being reminded, bills paid without anxiety, love without chaos; and luxury without exhaustion. And honestly? That version still sounds beautiful. By the way, did you know that I used to h@te it when sentences begin with "and" or "but"? I guess it no longer matters... *shrugs*

As I was writing, that version still sounds beautiful, but somewhere along the way, I started asking myself a hard question: Are we pursuing softness, or are we chasing a fantasy that doesn’t exist?

Let me explain.

The first time I heard the term “soft life,” it felt revolutionary; especially as a woman raised in a culture where strength is praised and struggle is normal.

We were taught to:

• Endure

• Pray harder 

• Be patient

• Manage 

• Adjust

So when the soft life movement came, it felt like rebellion: 

“No more suffering.”

“No more struggle love.”

And I agreed. I still agree

But then social media happened. Suddenly, soft life became:

• Designer bags

• Vacation proposals

• Men who earn in dollars

• Effortless luxury at 25

And quietly, something shifted. Softness stopped being about peace; and started being about performance. 

Here’s the uncomfortable truth I had to face:

Some of the standards we’re calling “soft life” are actually just financial expectations dressed in satin.

Don't get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with wanting:

• Provision

• Emotional safety

• Stability, and 

• Comfort.

But when did it become:

• “If he doesn’t fly me out, he doesn’t value me.”

• “If he doesn’t earn X amount, he’s not masculine.”

• “If my life doesn’t look Instagram-worthy, I’m settling.” You see this part? I'll write about it another day!

I really don't think softness is all about luxury. Softness is safety. And safety doesn’t always come in aesthetic packaging.

I did check myself. Do I desire peace, or do I desire status? Because you have to always keep yourself in check. That's how you stay grounded; otherwise everything you see and assimilate, will end up controlling your life; and when that happens, is your life still yours?

It’s easy to scroll through social media; and think:

“God, when?”

“Why not me?”

“I deserve better.”

And yes, my darling, you do deserve better. But better doesn’t always mean bigger.

Sometimes it means:

• A man who is growing 

• A relationship that’s steady

• A life that’s realistic, not performative

Sadly, these ones don't trend.

Here’s what worries me though:

When we romanticize a hyper-luxurious version of relationships, we risk two things:

1. Discontentment with good men who are simply normal.

2. Delusion about what partnership actually requires.

Soft life does not mean:

• You never contribute

• You never compromise 

• You never sacrifice 

And it definitely doesn’t mean that life will never be h@rd.

Every marriage or relationship has seasons. 

Every career fluctuates.

Every economy shifts.


Soft life is Peace; and Peace is not the absence of effort. It’s the presence of alignment.

Let’s be realistic for a moment : In Nigeria — or anywhere the economy is unstable — expecting billionaire-level comfort as a baseline might not be softness. It might be fantasy. And fantasy is beautiful until it becomes entitlement. There’s nothing wrong with desiring financial stability. In fact, it’s wise.

But we gotta distinguish between:

• Healthy standards and Escapism disguised as standards.

So, Is Soft Life Delusion? No! Soft life isn’t delusion. But curated soft life can be.

True soft life looks like:

• Emotional maturity 

• Financial responsibility (from both partners)

• Boundaries

• Self-worth

• Choosing peace over chaos

• Not tolerating disrespect

It’s internal before it’s external. You can marry rich and still live hard. You can marry modest and live softly. The difference is character — not captions.

Softness is not about avoiding struggle. It’s about refusing unnecessary suff#ring. It’s not about finding a man who removes all effort from your life. It’s about finding someone who shares the weight. 

And sometimes, we need to ask ourselves:

Are we chasing love or are we chasing optics? Because the internet will clap for aesthetics, but your real life will require wisdom. And wisdom is softer than fantasy.

If this resonated with you, you’re not alone. I’m still unlearning. Still refining. Still choosing peace over performance.

Maybe the real soft life is:

A grounded heart

Clear standards 

And a mind that knows the difference between desire and delusion

Before you go, I want to ask you something:

When you think of “soft life,” what do you really picture — peace or luxury? 

And no, I am not saying you can't have both. You can!


Xo,

Moxie!