When Friendships Fade: Letting Go and Growing Through Change

Dear Intentional Reader,

There is something no one prepares you for in adulthood; and that is friendships ending without a fight.

No one talks about the kind of friendship breakups that don’t explode: no dramatic argument, no blocked numbers, no final speech — they simply fade.

It’s uncomfortable to admit, but sometimes we stop talking to people not because of anything they did, but because our values/goals no longer align. And the truth is, that’s a natural, necessary part of life.

Before we get into this, thank you for all your comments and shares on my last two posts especially on "Am I Weird for Not Caring About Valentine’s Day? My Honest Take On Love And Pressure". I honestly didn’t expect anyone to share; but I had a total of about 60 shares altogether. It meant a lot to me!

To my returning Intentional Readers, I see the numbers; and I’m working on making sure you have something worth reading every time you visit my blog.

To my new Intentional Readers, I do appreciate you giving me some of your time to check out my posts.

Three days ago, someone told me they liked my style of writing; and asked me how I learned to write. This is a question I get often, by the way. I asked him, “how do you think I write?”. He said he couldn’t explain it properly but my posts feel like he’s reading my mind.

The truth is that I mostly write for myself — even though I have a target audience of “Intentional Women”; but I write what I’ll enjoy reading because I read my posts often; and sometimes I even find corrections I need to make. However, even though I write mostly for myself — as I consider this my e-diary, y’all still love the posts; and learn from them. I appreciate that! 🤎

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Today’s writing was inspired by a friend who randomly came to my mind; and I realized we haven’t spoken in a while; even though we check on each other every now and then; but we used to talk/text every day. 

I know you’re thinking, “did you ask her if she’s okay?”. Of course, I did.

So the thing is that sometimes people naturally drift apart. Not all friendships are meant to last forever — and that’s the truth nobody wants to say out loud.

We grow up thinking friends are forever. The girl you shared secrets with in high school, the person you laughed with until your stomach hurt, the one who cried with you after a heartbreak — they’re supposed to be in your life forever. But here’s the thing: life doesn’t always work that way. Some friendships aren’t meant to last, and letting them go doesn’t make you cruel — it makes you alive.

We cling to people out of guilt, nostalgia, or fear, pretending bonds will survive even when they no longer fit.

Let me tell you about me and Ugomma; this is not her actual name. Ugomma and I used to be superclose, but we became friends for a reason. At some point, my lifestyle stopped agreeing with the reason why we were friends; and I tried to find other reasons to hold on to the friendship. It turned into an on and off thing: today we’re great, tomorrow we aren’t speaking, because there was absolutely nothing to talk about anymore.

Conversations with her became a chore; and her responses started sounding disrespectful. If you know me, you’ll know that I do not play with my self-respect. One day I woke up; and I said “this friendship has expired”. I deleted her number; and moved on. We never spoke again till today.

There was no fight, no betrayal, no dramatic exit. Just distance! Silence grew between me and her; and that’s when I realized something uncomfortable: our connection no longer serves my growth.

That’s the strange thing about friendships ending quietly: sometimes it’s not about someone failing or doing something wrong. It’s about paths diverging. Sometimes, the bond isn’t broken — it just stops fitting into your life.

Not every friendship is meant to survive every version of you.

There are friendships that were perfect for your survival season because you bonded over:

• confusion

• heartbreak

• shared pain

• overthinking

But when healing starts?
When purpose becomes clearer?
When your standards rise?

The glue changes.

It doesn’t mean the friendship was fake.
It doesn’t mean you were used.
It doesn’t mean someone betrayed someone.

It just means the assignment finished.

I know it can be weird. Falling out with someone isn’t like breaking a plate. It doesn’t make a noise; and it doesn’t come with an apology. It’s quiet, almost invisible. But it’s real. And it hurts — not because they did anything wrong, but because life is teaching you that growth sometimes means moving on.

We feel guilty when friendships end; especially when there’s no drama, no fight, no clear reason. But letting go of people who no longer align with your journey isn’t selfish — it’s necessary.


Here Are Four Lessons I’ve Learned From My Ships That Sank:

1. Friendships evolve 

People change. Values shift. What worked before may no longer fit.

2. Silence isn’t betrayal 

Sometimes friends drift apart quietly, and that’s okay.

3. You need to prioritize your growth

It’s not selfish to choose what aligns with your life path. 

4. Gratitude beats guilt

Appreciate the memories, the laughter, the lessons, and let go without resentment.


We romanticize lifelong friendships, and nostalgia keeps us clinging to people who no longer belong in our lives. We hold onto people because they represent our past. Because they knew us “before”. Because letting go feels like admitting we’ve changed, but clinging to winter won’t bring back summer. 

Every friendship has a season. Some people come in to teach you lessons, open your eyes, and then quietly exit. Others stay; and that’s beautiful. But holding onto connections that no longer nourish your soul? That’s where toxicity hides; and you now how worse this toxicity can get? Resentments start to build! 

Growth requires space. 

And sometimes that space comes from letting go of friends who no longer align with your direction.
That doesn’t erase the memories.
It doesn’t invalidate the love.
It doesn’t make the connection fake.

If you’ve recently had a friendship end quietly, don’t panic, don’t feel guilty, don’t overthink. Life is bigger than the fear of letting someone go. 

I was telling my sister the other day that some people are assigned to a chapter, a lesson, or a phase of your life. Forcing permanence where there was only purpose is self-betrayal. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. Some people were there to shape you — not accompany you to the finish line.

I personally would prefer being alone than being around someone who I have surface-level conversations with, just to keep or maintain our friendship.

PS, If you are constantly working on yourself, then there’s a high chance that you’ll lose connection with people who choose to be stagnant.

Staying in a friendship out of obligation is more dishonest than leaving out of alignment. The ugly truth is that some friendships are meant to expire.

This week's Gentle Reminder: Be kind to yourself.

Xo, Moxie!