I Do Not Conform

This is just one of those topics I didn’t think deeply about; just some random thoughts on a random rainy cold night, put into writing!

You ever scrolled through social media, and saw one of those posts that say “A woman is 'supposed to'….”? Oh my! How much I detest stuff like that.

Growing up, I was that child that always knew what she wanted—thanks to my mum who gave me the wings to fly. I was a curious kid, and I questioned a lot of things that seemed to be the norm—maybe not openly, but I’d always ask myself, and wonder why certain things are the way they are; yikes! I still do that.



One of my older cousins once said—in my dialect “Chinwe bu mmonwu na-eti onwe ya”; meaning “a masquerade that moves on its own or functions alone”. If you’re familiar with masquerades, you’ll know that they’re rarely alone. “Chinwe” is my native name by the way, but please do not call me that if you don’t know me well enough because when I hear the name, I assume you know me to an extent.

I remember some time a couple of years ago, I was probably 13 years old or thereabout; and I had just found out the meaning of my first name. I mean it had a couple of meanings, but one of them I read was “rebel”. I pondered whether that was the reason I like to do what I like. You know how most Africans believe that whatever name you bear influences your behavior; and I used to have a little belief in that.

Someone used to say to me “you’re a woman and you’re like a mother so when someone does something you don’t like, just ignore it”. Haha! If I ignore something, it’s probably because the person is an “okenye”. I just don’t see myself being unfair to myself to maintain an image of what a woman is supposed to be like. This is beginning to sound like I'm talking about womanhood, but I'm not! 

I love to give genuine compliments, the same way I’ll call someone out politely—most of the time, on something I’m not okay with because I believe people know what they’re doing; and I want you to know that I know!

My family knows me as someone who does what she wants. I bet now you think I’m obstinate in a bad way; but the right word for it is “strong-willed”. I mean they both mean same thing, but I prefer the latter.

Now it’s different names you could give this behavior; and it wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized that I am just an unconformist. I detest the bandwagon effect; and when I see everyone going left, I’ll want to go right. I dislike trends so much; doesn't mean I'm immune to them anyway because at the end of the day, I'm still human; but I just wouldn't be compelled to quickly join trends nor be pressured into fitting in. Now you see why I thought about the meaning of my first name?

Here are some of the reasons why I’m proud to be an unconformist:

1. It has made me more knowledgeable 

I’ve read and made researches on so many practices that have been normalized; and I found out that while some might not be entirely wrong, some are just unnecessary and absolutely wrong, but no one has the audacity to challenge nor question them. When I asked a couple of people the essence of those practices, they all had answers that weren’t plausible; and I realized it’s a case of “that’s how my parents did it”. 

Let me give you a clear example: Africans believe in massaging new born babies with hot water because it’s supposed to make their bones strong. Now who started this, and how exactly does this practice make a new born baby’s bones strong that you can stand them wailing while you put them through that p@in?!

2. It’s made me a stronger person

Besides being introverted, being an unconformist is one of the reasons why I can thrive alone in my space, doing my own thing, and setting my own pace. This sort of presents me as an aloof person.

3. When I’m determined to achieve something, I do

This is something that I realized people can easily tell about me when they’ve spent some time with me. However, it still surprises me when someone says it to me because I really do not announce nor discuss my goals with people. 

4. It has greatly fueled my creativity 

Not following the bandwagon comes with creating your own path, or thinking of ways to do things differently; that's me. I constantly think of ways to make difficult things or situations easier for me.

5. It’s made me a better person

I’m far from perfect; still got flaws, but challenging societal norms, and status quo come with being different. It comes with not making excuses for behaviors; and this means growth! There’s nothing I dislike more than being the same person year in, year out; and having the same mindset—a closed mindset per se!

Yeah, these are just some of the reasons I love being an “mmonwu na-eti onwe ya”.


Lately, I’ve been proud of the woman I'm becoming..!

Xo, Moxie!

Have you read How Living A Private Life Can Make You Stronger And Happier