The Power of Nonconformity: How Questioning Norms Shaped Me
There’s a particular kind of social media post that always makes me pause—the one that begins with “A woman is supposed to…”
I’ve never been able to stomach them.
From a young age, I knew what I wanted. My mother gave me the freedom to think, question, and choose for myself; and that gift shaped everything that followed. I grew up curious—quietly questioning traditions, norms, and expectations that were treated as unquestionable truths. I still do.
An older cousin once described me in my dialect as “mmonwu na-eti onwe ya”—a masquerade that moves on its own. Masquerades are rarely solitary, so the phrase stuck. It meant I functioned independently, guided by my own internal compass. That independence, I later realized, had a name: nonconformity.
As a teenager, I discovered one meaning of my name was “rebel.” For a while, I wondered if names truly influence behavior, as many African cultures believe. Whether coincidence or destiny, I’ve always resisted doing things simply because “that’s how it’s done.”
I’ve been told, “You’re a woman; just ignore it” when I voice out something I don't like, but silence, when it costs self-respect, is not virtue—it’s self-betrayal. I believe people are aware of their actions; and when something crosses my boundaries, I address it calmly and clearly. Not to create conflict, but to affirm awareness.
My family often describes me as someone who does what she wants. Some might call that obstinacy; I call it being strong-willed. There’s a difference.
Why I’m Proud to Be an Unconformist
1. Nonconformity made me more knowledgeable
Questioning normalized practices led me to research beliefs many people follow blindly. Some traditions aren’t harmful—but others persist without logic or compassion, sustained only by inheritance. When no one can explain why something is done beyond “my parents did it,” it deserves examination.
2. It made me emotionally stronger
As an otrovert, choosing my own path taught me how to thrive alone. I’m comfortable with solitude, pace, and silence—even if it makes me appear aloof.
3. I achieve what I set out to do
When I set my mind to do something, I do it. Surprisingly, people always mention this as one of my strongest traits.
4. It fuels my creativity
Nonconformity requires innovation. When you don’t follow the bandwagon, you learn to build your own systems, simplify challenges, and think differently.
5. It has made me a better person
Challenging societal norms forces growth. It removes excuses and encourages accountability. I fear stagnation more than I fear being different.
There we go! I am far from perfect—but I am evolving; and evolution demands discomfort.
Today, I’m proud of the woman I’m becoming : a woman who lives privately, thinks deeply, and moves deliberately.
Still an mmonwu na-eti onwe ya.
And happily so…
Xo,
Moxie!
I’ve never been able to stomach them.
From a young age, I knew what I wanted. My mother gave me the freedom to think, question, and choose for myself; and that gift shaped everything that followed. I grew up curious—quietly questioning traditions, norms, and expectations that were treated as unquestionable truths. I still do.
An older cousin once described me in my dialect as “mmonwu na-eti onwe ya”—a masquerade that moves on its own. Masquerades are rarely solitary, so the phrase stuck. It meant I functioned independently, guided by my own internal compass. That independence, I later realized, had a name: nonconformity.
As a teenager, I discovered one meaning of my name was “rebel.” For a while, I wondered if names truly influence behavior, as many African cultures believe. Whether coincidence or destiny, I’ve always resisted doing things simply because “that’s how it’s done.”
I’ve been told, “You’re a woman; just ignore it” when I voice out something I don't like, but silence, when it costs self-respect, is not virtue—it’s self-betrayal. I believe people are aware of their actions; and when something crosses my boundaries, I address it calmly and clearly. Not to create conflict, but to affirm awareness.
My family often describes me as someone who does what she wants. Some might call that obstinacy; I call it being strong-willed. There’s a difference.
Why I’m Proud to Be an Unconformist
1. Nonconformity made me more knowledgeable
Questioning normalized practices led me to research beliefs many people follow blindly. Some traditions aren’t harmful—but others persist without logic or compassion, sustained only by inheritance. When no one can explain why something is done beyond “my parents did it,” it deserves examination.
2. It made me emotionally stronger
As an otrovert, choosing my own path taught me how to thrive alone. I’m comfortable with solitude, pace, and silence—even if it makes me appear aloof.
3. I achieve what I set out to do
When I set my mind to do something, I do it. Surprisingly, people always mention this as one of my strongest traits.
4. It fuels my creativity
Nonconformity requires innovation. When you don’t follow the bandwagon, you learn to build your own systems, simplify challenges, and think differently.
5. It has made me a better person
Challenging societal norms forces growth. It removes excuses and encourages accountability. I fear stagnation more than I fear being different.
There we go! I am far from perfect—but I am evolving; and evolution demands discomfort.
Today, I’m proud of the woman I’m becoming : a woman who lives privately, thinks deeply, and moves deliberately.
Still an mmonwu na-eti onwe ya.
And happily so…
Xo,
Moxie!
I didn’t want this to end dear. You should write more
ReplyDeleteHi moxie is there a way to reach you? An email perhaps?
ReplyDeleteAnd you’re using anonymous to ask her lol
DeleteIt’s just easier to comment with that Dirim. Even me I’m lazy to put my name
DeleteEmbracing who you are. I love it 💪🏿
ReplyDeleteHow do I share this post because at last I’ve seen someone detail why I’m the way I am to perfection. Kudos Moxie
ReplyDeleteThere is an arrow that looks like the less than symbol. You can use that
DeleteI also do not like that bandwagon thingy. Luv from Jamaica 🇯🇲 moxie
ReplyDeleteHi Chinwe
ReplyDeleteCame straight to comments when I read that part because I know someone will do this 🤣
DeleteMoxie is coming for you
This is very relatable. Thank you
ReplyDeleteI didn’t know you can write Igbo. I was happy reading this just smiling sheepishly when I saw mmonwu na eti onwe ya. I’m curious to know your first name if you don’t mind. This was such a wonderful read
ReplyDeleteOmo I believe a person’s name follows them. Am I wrong? 😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteThat aside, the title of this post screams iron woman in women’s august meeting. That’s what attracted me to read it and I enjoyed it. Thanks for opening my eyes to that hot water tradition. I won’t be doing it neither will I let anyone do it to any of my children when I start a family, I just had to google about it to see if there’s a tangible reason why it’s done but nothing
So what do you have to say about white people that bear Bush, Wood, etc? Even those named wealth and wisdom in Nigeria don’t have wealth and wisdom
DeleteMoxieeeeeeee
ReplyDeleteWhen I read that part the person told you you’re a woman and like a mother ish, it reminded of that Simi’s song ‘woman’
ReplyDeleteReading this feels like you’re talking to yourself, and talking to me the reader at the same time. Why did you even stop writing stories? I learnt a new word today unconformist and this is an honest post because I have noticed you don’t join trends. I watch your IG stories almost all the time. There is joy in being your authentic self but do you think you can ever compromise?
ReplyDeleteI wonder why she stopped writing too
DeleteIt’s good to have a mind of your own regardless of what anyone thinks
ReplyDeleteYou are good!
ReplyDelete