Why People Won’t Give You What You Deserve

Dear Intentional Reader,

It’s the 30th of June; a day with pluvial weather. I love it when it rains, but the way it’s been raining over the past few days is beginning to annoy me! All kinds of creatures (I’m referring to crawling animals and insects in this context, but I h@te them so much, hence the exaggeration) are beginning to crawl out because the flood has chased them from their habitats.

Two nights ago, a centipede crawled into the house while I was working out. I cried for real, and I was sure my neighbors heard my voice. I thought of going out to knock on a neighbor’s door — preferably a male to help me kill it, but then I summoned courage and killed the b@$t@rd!! Excuse my choice of language, please.

I’m in bed with my thoughts scattered everywhere, before I narrowed it to the most disturbing one: “people don’t give you what you deserve”.

Funny how both arthropods and uncomfortable truths have a way of surfacing when the conditions are right...

You see, I used to think that if I treat people how I want to be treated, they’ll reciprocate, or life will make them treat me better. It’s kind of cr@zy that I used to think like this. Typically, when I’m advising people, I usually tell them, “People can’t give you what they don’t have”, or I say, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”. In other words, no matter the amount of love you give or show someone, their showing it back to you isn’t dependent on your actions towards them; it’s based on how much they love themselves — and if they don’t love themselves, you cannot get the love back!

This is one of the hardest lessons I’ve learned this year, and it’s just June.

People give or treat you according to who they are, what they’re capable of, what they value, and sometimes, what they think they can get away with.

For a long time, I took it personally. I questioned myself: “Was I asking for too much?”, “Did I need to be more understanding, more patient, more forgiving?”

Looking back, I wish I had asked a different question: “Why was I expecting someone to give me something they had never shown they were willing—or even able—to give?”

Not everyone is equipped to give honesty. Not everyone knows how to love consistently. Some people struggle to communicate. Others have no interest in changing because the way things are already works for them.

The moment you begin to understand that people’s inabilities aren’t proof of your unworthiness, the steadier your life begins to get.

The truth is that sometimes we stay with people because we’re attached to the idea of who they could become, rather than accepting who they are. We hold on to potential, hoping that one day they’ll wake up and become the person we’ve been waiting for. This could happen in romantic relationships or even platonic friendships!

The reality is that sometimes that day never comes. And while we’re waiting, life keeps moving.

I’ve also realized that peace often begins the moment you stop trying to convince people to treat you better. You stop explaining why you deserve respect, you stop chasing apologies that never come, and you stop begging for effort that should have been given freely. You just accept what their actions have been telling you all along. 

This is the point where you start giving yourself what you deserve because only you can do that! It could mean making better choices or putting a final stop to disrespect. 

You have always remember that the people who truly value you won’t need endless reminders to care. They won’t always get everything right, but you’ll never have to question whether you’re important to them.

Now, I remind myself of these two things whenever I’m disappointed in someone:

1. I can’t control what people choose to give me.
2. I am not responsible for how anyone chooses to behave. It’s their decision, not mine. I can only decide what I’m willing to keep accepting.

These decisions have protected my peace more than anything else ever has.

Learning to know your worth, practice self-respect, and choose relationships built on mutual effort is one of the greatest gifts you’ll give to yourself; whether it’s a romantic relationship, a friendship, or even family, setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for your emotional well-being.

Let me know in the comments if this resonates with you 🤍.

This week’s Gentle Reminder: People won’t give you what you deserve. They’ll give you what they have; and only you can give yourself what you deserve.

Xo, Moxie!

Have you read The Quiet Ways My Life Is Changing...